technicals

I heard that some folks were having trouble getting onto thegrubbykupp. I don't know what I did but it seems fixed...
Please don't stop praying for all of us youngsters on the Ficckleboards trip. Bike week. Hmmm.

I walked into my kitchen at 230am today to make tea and see if i'd ever become sleepy again. I looked at the way the light played on the new paint on the walls. it's a semi-gloss and it shows all the imperfections in the drywall. I Love The Imperfections because they are all a standing symbol that our kitchen isn't put in by skilled craftsmen, but by 20 and 30 something kids who love Lew and Judy and the boys because of Jesus!

spots and spills of paint are standing symbols. I love them.

I'm serious.

I know you've all seen me PISSED before because of the lifestyle we live here. I know you've seen me BUMMED out because of the way things have gone down in the past. And it still bumms me if you're 25+ years old and you lean back in the chairs and they get loose and break. It bums me out if you lean full-force on the middle of the 4-leaf table that was given to us all by folks who love and worked on it with their own hands...and i watch that table bend under your thoughtless weight and worry for it's untimely demise... yeah, I'm that guy...

but these imperfections and bumps and splats in the kitchen of this house... these are quite the opposite. they are the texture of faith working out in love. You guys are healing us by embedding your jouney's history in ours, on earth. Heaven will show us later what is being proclaimed and transferred in these simple acts of imperfect serving.

the slightly lumpy drywall will soon be covered with cabinets and shelves, and dressed with mouldings and lighting. We won't see it anymore. Maybe someday a rich person will buy this house and move in and remodel and think, "These people were idiots! They didn't do it 'right'."

oh no. yes you did. yes you did. i wake up crying for joy because you were here on saturday...

...and something in me is put to rest... not so desperately lonely to be there with Jesus... because I saw him here with me. in you.

it won't be long now. the cold weather and darkness will start to give way to warmers and more light. Sure as anything.

This winter has been one of my most difficult of all. Seth's dentist--a really really sweet lady who just totally has a chill attitude and loving heart-- said that when she was about my age (she is so youthful it's hard to imagine she's older than crusty old Lew), she hit a winter where it got really hard to bear.

The darkness...

The cold...

always cold...always stumbling around...

and its dirty!

the streets

the car...

everything.

and you don't want to open the doors and clean and air things out because it's cold as hell out there!!!

and you don't move.

and you eat.

man, i started eating on November 27th when my Mom and Dad got here, and I didn't stop until January 22!

That's one thing that has changed. I don't crave food all the time. My body has adjusted to the fact that I'm never going to enjoy direct sunlight again, and has learned to produce seratonin all on its own.

If this winter stretched on, I bet that my lungs would learn how to deal with the withering dryness that has turned them to lunchbags for 5 weeks. I bet that my skin would learn to find moisture from within...that my capillaries would learn to withold my blood's heat from the air...

who knows? I could become a Mainer. No. Never. That's "Geo-genetical". You have to be born a Mainer. Mainers are tough and kind. Mainers are wise and strong. They keep a secret. Mainers are pretty tight.

Now, I'm not saying that I'm enjoying winter. No. I'm enjoying LIFE within the context of the season we're in. There's an art/skill/discipline/gift, there, eh? To recognize God, here, present, loving me with True Father Love, in a land of shadow and cold. I recognize Him in you.

man i used to hate it when i couldn't sleep. usually my conscience bothered me because of something i blew it at that i was convinced inalterably changed the course of humankind or some crap like that... whatever. it was ridiculous of me to worry... never helps.

but now i'm loving it. just get up and be about something... in these quiet hours all of your faces come up in my mind--all of the people i see and all the folks who love me and hate me and all the awkward interactions that are part of actually living your life...

and i get to really think on them and, yes, pray about them... but my prayers don't sound like they used to. I used to pray all kinds of agenda and preachy crap about things. i called it intercession, along with the folks at church, but it was a garment that never fit.

now, my prayers are more like thank you's and sorrys and so-much'es. i relish my failures and breathe deep in gratitude... I can't express to you how glad I am that my brain chemistry and my respiratory health are questionable. being up early and thinking about all of you, with God, is amazing.

hey, let me give you a tip, being just shy of 40, but not so low on mileage:

just get up.

don't dream of some life like when you were a little kid and you slept in all day. go back a little further to when you were a little kid and a "day" was a beautiful, adventurous thing. You might not remember, but just look at the babies and use your imagination.

They can't sleep! They get up and they get going! and they KONK OUT! about 3 hours into the day!

We konk out too, but we're big and we don't NEED a nap (although a cup of coffee is nice, and a nap is even better!)

And what's with the American Culture? Where is the nap time? Well I guess that's why our cars are so good. The countries that make better cars than us (Japan and Korea) all did away with way more than nap time... their ethics fuel their high suicide rates.

What's that? You say that Germany makes better cars than we? Yes, they do. And they also eat great meals with family, live in the towns where they were born, use solar power and beat us hands down in all manners of efficiencies! And they don't overwork!

...and their cars are waaay too expensive. But they're great.

But kids nap, and so should you. If you can't, you'll have to accept that sleep is elusive in a life well lived, although the Scriptures make it clear that "he grants sleep to his beloved" and "I lay me down and I slept..." So sleep. Or don't. But be at rest knowing that you are a child of your Abba Father and he loves being your dad.

And I love being your brother. So many of you flood my early morning mind and there is such a peace and a gratitude on your behalf. We really couldn't imagine what Father is up to. He is so above us in all things, most of all his tender covenant faithful love for us.

this church is friggin awesome!

i can't tell you how wonderful it is to have a church meeting every week that is actually helpful and life-giving to me. Mass babies to play with is a big deal. Never worrying about the food or the cleanup... sharing in a circle around the Word... learning together... being able to pray... being understood because we see each other in our lives... singing so many songs together with all kinds of requests and sharing... people bringing the songs they love to share! I mean, wow!

Yesterday I was at church from 1045 until like 230! I mean, I was at David's house, and so were the church. yes they were. and it was amazing... man. wow.

i'm just so stoked it can be like this.

Fighting fair...

If you know me, you've seen me in a conflict. I get pretty jazzed. I dig it. Conflict is where we grow, where we lay down our life for others in small ways, and where we receive sight where we were blind...

But so many of us are "taken to a bad place" by even the smallest hint of conflict! Fear, pain, shame, past abuses, pockets of disbelief in Gods love... it all gets stirred up by our conflicts in daily life.

But dont shout. Dont lash out. Get quiet and get interested in what is happening under the surface. Spend time praying about (and for) people who drive you crazy. Look for the sweet spot where you lay down your own preferences to serve, bearing with the weakness and need of others... always forgiving any missing the mark in others. 

Dont abuse. Listen. Ask questions to learn about the other's perspective. Get into their shoes. See through their eyes. Maybe they're crazy. Maybe they're hurting. Maybe you are. But you'll both be healed and strengthened when you come together over a conflict.

So fight fair. Share hearts. Take time. Come back and try again and again. Dont be afraid to disagree over a long period of time. No one needs to change their mind RiGHT NOW.

Be aware that your intention in conflict is often to get the other to affirm you. Get your affirmation from God, and your conflicts will be turned productive...

Some thoughts from my mobile as i considered ephesians "...speak the truth in love..." and "be angry and do not sin..."

Well again...

I get sick in winter time a lot, so its nice to just throw up a post while ive been somewhat healthy... thanks to God on any day i'm not in a dentist chair or sick in bed...