man i used to hate it when i couldn't sleep. usually my conscience bothered me because of something i blew it at that i was convinced inalterably changed the course of humankind or some crap like that... whatever. it was ridiculous of me to worry... never helps.

but now i'm loving it. just get up and be about something... in these quiet hours all of your faces come up in my mind--all of the people i see and all the folks who love me and hate me and all the awkward interactions that are part of actually living your life...

and i get to really think on them and, yes, pray about them... but my prayers don't sound like they used to. I used to pray all kinds of agenda and preachy crap about things. i called it intercession, along with the folks at church, but it was a garment that never fit.

now, my prayers are more like thank you's and sorrys and so-much'es. i relish my failures and breathe deep in gratitude... I can't express to you how glad I am that my brain chemistry and my respiratory health are questionable. being up early and thinking about all of you, with God, is amazing.

hey, let me give you a tip, being just shy of 40, but not so low on mileage:

just get up.

don't dream of some life like when you were a little kid and you slept in all day. go back a little further to when you were a little kid and a "day" was a beautiful, adventurous thing. You might not remember, but just look at the babies and use your imagination.

They can't sleep! They get up and they get going! and they KONK OUT! about 3 hours into the day!

We konk out too, but we're big and we don't NEED a nap (although a cup of coffee is nice, and a nap is even better!)

And what's with the American Culture? Where is the nap time? Well I guess that's why our cars are so good. The countries that make better cars than us (Japan and Korea) all did away with way more than nap time... their ethics fuel their high suicide rates.

What's that? You say that Germany makes better cars than we? Yes, they do. And they also eat great meals with family, live in the towns where they were born, use solar power and beat us hands down in all manners of efficiencies! And they don't overwork!

...and their cars are waaay too expensive. But they're great.

But kids nap, and so should you. If you can't, you'll have to accept that sleep is elusive in a life well lived, although the Scriptures make it clear that "he grants sleep to his beloved" and "I lay me down and I slept..." So sleep. Or don't. But be at rest knowing that you are a child of your Abba Father and he loves being your dad.

And I love being your brother. So many of you flood my early morning mind and there is such a peace and a gratitude on your behalf. We really couldn't imagine what Father is up to. He is so above us in all things, most of all his tender covenant faithful love for us.