Right now I feel springtime fresh as I jot out a brand-spanking new entry into this blog thingy (technology at its finest :) ) I've smelled like a decaying yak for the past couple of days as I enjoyed a much-needed trip down to Red River Gorge with some good friends. Sitting by the campfire enjoying the fourteenth hotdog of the day (obviously we come VERY prepared), we had an enlightening conversation about actually hearing God's voice. After throwing around some scriptures and deep thoughts, my bro "B" just said, "Why don't we just love God and do whatever the hell we want?" Now, "B" is currently a young adults pastor at a local Evangelical church. He grew up in that atmosphere, then went on to be involved in Campus Crusade, Student Venture, and various youth ministries. All that in consideration, we were obviously floored by what "B" said (or at least I was). It seemed so out of place. Then just as we were picking up our stones to do away with the heathen swine (just kidding!), it finally sank in: if we truly love Jesus, not just say we do but really love him, then we naturally do what He says. Jesus seems to make it pretty simple in John 14 when he says that if we love him, we'll do what he says. And since we're such doofuses, he'll send the Holy Spirit to help out anyways. For a guy like me who is always over-analyzing and second-guessing what the man upstairs is telling me, that whole "love God and do whatever you want" thing is pretty liberating. I kind of see it as a learning process when we're baby believers on. Charles Berger once said it goes something kinda like this: first there's unconscious incompetence (we don't know that we don't know), then conscious incompetence (we know that we don't know). Once we open our minds and begin to learn and obey, there's conscious competence (we know and must work at knowing), then finally unconscious competence (we know it so well, it's second nature). If we get in the practice of really listening and actually DOING what He tells us (radical, I know...), then maybe it'll just become second nature for us to obey and we won't be questioning his motives so much.



So here's where I'm coming from on this whole thing. These past few weeks have been totally nuts; all I really want is to hear a clear call from God. I want to go out and wash some feet, take care of some sick, but I only want to do it on his terms. Sounds great, right? But what do you do when God seems a little quiet? Does that mean I'm totally off base? Am I even doing the right thing? I even began to question if I've ever heard from God at all.



So I've been wrestling with this all month. And all I can hear Jesus saying is, "Trust me, I'm your friend." Personally, I think a good ol' fashioned burning bush or at least some firey writing in the sky would be helpful. But I suppose that wouldn't be walking by faith much, would it? So here I am, taking a step in the great dark, hoping with all my heart that He's there. And by the way, I realize this life is...well...rough to say the least. In fact, it's often like chewing glass...that's been dipped in acid...and is on fire. But what if God loves us SO MUCH that He would even give us enjoyable, wonderful things while we're down here? What if we deny ourselves, take up our cross, follow Jesus and He says, "I'm so happy you've come here, that I want to give you a gift of happiness, peace, and joy on top of eternal salvation"? I suppose what I'm getting at is I think God cares about us all so much, He uses even our desires and hopes to speak to us, and at times will grant those wishes (even if they're petty) because He's just the most amazing Father. I read this sad story about a dude in church who was sitting behind this mom and her toddler. The toddler was being quiet, but he was looking around and had just the biggest smile on his face. It totally made the dude's day to see him. But then the mom glanced over, noticed her son, and with a sharp smack said, "This is church! Stop that grinning!" When the tears started streaming down, she said, "Now that's better," and continued on with her prayers. The dude just wanted to hug the little boy and tell him all about his heavenly father who loves little boys who smile and laugh. This is the God of grace, love, and joy, isn't it. Is this not the God that loves us SO MUCH that he sent his one and only son for us? C'mon, sometimes even earthly dads buy their kids some candy at the store just to let them know they're special. Why wouldn't God? (especially if we're totally seeking after Him). Deeper than a question of how much can we get from God, is the question of just how deep is God's love for us. We should be grateful to the king of glory for all He's done (cuz we deserved nothing but flames up the rear anyways!), and live a life where we know that above all else, we can be like the apostle John and refer to ourselves as "the one Jesus loves." I need serious help there. Nevertheless, I have a feeling a Ferrari may not be in the mix for the future. Don't know why, just a strange feeling....



Well friends, keep wading through this muck and we're guaranteed to get to the good turf. Love be with ya'll.



jp