I was wrong, I'm sorry, I love you, please forgive me...

I'm struggling with criticism.



I mind help in seeing what I already know about me: that I'm a redeemed, beloved fallen person who contains glory and love, yet falls so short so often... That I sometimes make choices to act and not to act based on my selfishness and wickedness...



Yes, I mind it. I really do. You see, I already Know! Knowing that I'm an oaf isn't the problem! Knowing that I was a degenerate sinner, a failure, didn't measure up, wasn't living up... These are what I cut my teeth on! No need for further poundings from everyone else...



I'm not building my life on being on the ball, or being in control. Don't get me wrong! I CARE! I care that the resources God grants be used in a way that glorifies Him, but the PEOPLE keep getting in the way. You see, in a choice between getting all the "i"'s dotted and comforting the lonely heart of a penitent sinner with the Word, I'm all over the heart.



There are so many, too. They surround us. And my yard's a mess for it... Now am I copping out that my yard's a mess because my house is so full up of souls? yep.



But let's take it back to when... you know what? my house has always been full of souls...



Did you ever hear of Jonathan Edwards? Greatest theologian of the Great Awakening? He couldn't get his own wood cut. He was the author of "Sinners in the hands of an Angry God". He was the real deal, and he couldn't keep his lawn cut, either...



Years back, a genteel Christian brother put his arm around my shoulders, leaned in, and with gravest concern said that he was grieved that my witness to my neighbors was so poor, because my lawn wasn't mowed often enough.



I'm out. If that's the way it works, I'll never make it. I have too many 3-year olds, too spirited a wife (read: wisdom from God), too many foreigners in my home, too many Bible studies for new believers, too much LIFE...



I'm out of that system. I signed up for the God who loves the sick, not the perfectly healthy. I've been frustrated that I'm still so imperfect, but now, I'm sticking it out there that if i'm not perfict enuf fer u, tuf. ckeep it 2 yersilf fer a wile...



but if you see need in me, a place where you can help, beyond pointing out my little faults, messy house, and the like, JUMP IN. Are you a good woodcutter?



My friend JP is a great woodcutter. He believes in me, deeply. He mowed the lawn this summer while I worked on other stuff... At the end of the day, we're both exhausted. At the end of the day, it was all about Jesus... And he never rails on me...



You Know?



I'm not talking about just a little criticism, either. It's important to share hearts and minds adn find servanthood for real with each other. I'm talking about a culture of criticism that comes from our consumeristic ideal as rich americans! It's of the evil one, man.



So next time you think of "helping" someone by "sharing" their faults with them, think about that they probably know and are already ashamed...



Think of how there're are likely a few more desperately important and damaging things lurking under their surface that they'd love some help with, but you're so hard on them for the small stuff that they retreat.



day after day,

month after month.



disconnected

lonely

afraid



lighten up and get under a load with someone, man... girl....

Prayer Nite

Tonight is a prayer night at the Chase House... Tom's already here. It's 7:39. We're going in.

We Need Help!

I'm happy to say that we're in over our heads, here in Cincinnati.



Unless God does some really powerful stuff, really soon, we're dead.



There are more than a few brothers called to this new kind of work (a rehash of the old kind) who are in over their heads, too.



We still don't feel we have any rights beyond what the Bible describes, but we're asking you to join us by Helping. Love looks like help. Good advice is good, but help helps. Call, email, or come to find ways to do it...

Lewminator Blog Revived

Hey! for all of you who want a more personal look into the world of Lew, check out Lewminator. I've started posting there, again.



Don't forget to click on the blogs in the margin of this one to see what's up in the world of Cincinnati Jesus Freak Blogging...

I'm Saaaaaad! You Made Me Saaaaad!

Seth woke up today from his nap (we saw the Spongebob Movie and he fell asleep on the way home) and proceeded to... well, he just moped, whined and cried and was really SAD...



You see, usually when Seth wakes up he's kinda ornery. "shubup girfrend!", "ba'hedd", "go 'way!", hitting with his cool wooden sword (thanks Robert Seifert from Germany for hand-crafting these wonderful battle implements for my sons. They're GREAT for boys and I love them!) It's cute, it's terrible, it's life here... Our girls are patient and take cover upon wake-up. Aaron grabs his own sword, or the extension from the vacuum, and I power up to lecture and put kids in their rooms...



But this was one of the sad wake ups. He was just SAD. Judy was dealing with him. I was restringing my guitar and trying to learn some new songs for our meetings... And I got sick of round after round of him being so whiney, so I told Judy to gently explain to him that he couldn't be all whiney, give him a snack and send him to play in his room... It's sort of that "I'm not gonna let this get to the point where I'm mad" kind of approach when there's so much going on. I don't know that much about kid-raisin' technique, but I don't let the boys push us over. I kind of insist on better behavior, y'know? Insistant instant inconsistent... anyway...



Sad.



Well, Judy didn't do that. And I love that. She did wiser, more graciously. She took him to the upstairs couch, sat with him, listened to him, held him... She mothered him.



"What's wrong?"



"I'm Saaaaaaaad! I'm Saaaaaad! You made me Saaaaaad!"



No explaination needed, Judy just held him and loved him and said, "Oh honey, I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"



It didn't need to make sense. She didn't need to learn why, what or anything. She just loved on him...



That moves me. That hits me right in the deep needs of the heart. We all need someone to not care why, what or anything, but just to hold us and say "sorry", for nothing that they did but you were sad...



In the deepest of myheart, I'm sad, too. It's the planet. This hostile rock we live on where even the houses called Love's house are often cold and critical, fearful and unfaithful, has put the sadness in our deepest of hearts...



Romans 8:20

"for the creation was subjected to futility"



God did this. This is how it should be, so that we can know love, and hope for home! Living in hope.



Hope is blessed emptiness. Falling into a dream of the floor...

Prayer Night

This Saturday (tomorrow Jan. 15, 2005) is a prayer night! Come between 8pm and 1am, and stay till you're done. It's all about Jesus and the Body. A time set aside for Spirit ministry and ministering to the Lord in praise and prayer...

Everyday Glories

Tom came over the other day, Wednesday. We love it when Tom comes over. He's just like a member of the family. We look forward to having him for a neighbor for years to come. pray that he not be taken from us.



Kids screaming through the house--Seth is sooo three-years-old! Johannes (judy's dad) is staying with us, again (he's been in California for the last few months). It's great to have him here.



I started a blog for him. I'm excited about it. You see, he produces these little "epistles". They can be fairly rough and imprecise in the English language department, and they cut the fat off the issues... he's quirky, unapologetic, blunt, and sometimes cuts deep. But I'll tell you this, as someone who's lived with him for ages (like 13 years!), He is a gentle man. He doesn't cut to kill, only to heal. He is gentle and soft spoken, seasoned with suffering and perseverance. He has raised four mission-hearted children, and has godly grandkids, too! I'd like all of you to visit and comment. www.johannesweiss.blogspot.com



I hope people really start to support Grubby Kupp. I haven't asked for a lot yet. I haven't felt that we were ready to "start" in earnest. Now, we've got people looking to move to the neighborhood to join the feast...



The girls are well. School is a rough place. They struggle in the urban culture. But they are growing and doing well. I am proud that we live where we do, in a day when so many flee the inner city. I love that the girls are experiencing the real america, not just the suburban dream... With all its flaws, I'm in love with our neighborhood...



Aaron's homeschooling is going well. Judy is busy in her work with the students. I'm crunched in the press of my division between ministry and students, though.



The weather has been warm and cold, lately... And I'm gonna make coffee and sip.



I hope you are blessed!