Antonio Reed – “There is an Assassin Living on the Inside of Me”
There is living deep-down inside of me.
Ready to kill, steal, destroy and put me in chains for the rest of my life so that I can never run free.
This assassin doesn’t care about me, you, it, God or the next man.
If he could have his way with my life I would be standing over a dead body when the police arrives,
with the murder weapon in my right hand.
He talks to my brain late at night when I’m asleep and he shows me dreams about the wrongs I did.
How I disrespected my family, broke the hearts of some real good women and neglected all my five kids.
I still be searching for happiness, mind corrupted, who’s the blame.
Deep, down inside my soul, I still feel a lot of hurt, pain, guilt and shame.
I grew up in a home with dogs, cats, nasty roaches and filthy rats, With spiders in every corner,
I sometimes was punished with stitching cords and plastic bats.
I was always talked down to and it hurt,
Stepped and spit on like dirt
Never invited no company over cause of how filthy the house was.
I took to the street life cause, unlike my family, the street life showed me Love.
Never was I taught how to deal with my feelings properly so I would stuff them all deep down inside.
I used drugs for my hurtful feelings.
I was raised I shouldn’t cry.
So now I ask what in the hell is wrong with me.
I’ll tell ya, There is something in my self-destructive personalities that cries for failure.
Now I ask who is the evil one that leads me wrong, took control over my family and disrupted my home.
Gee, it’s that assassin deep down inside and if I let him, he will kill me.
I have to tell the truth and nothing but the truth so help me God and hope that you hear me clearly.
This assassin wants my mind, body and soul because he lives in me.
There is an assassin living on the inside of me.
LEW WRITES:
you know, there are a lot of christians who would read this and say,
"hey, we'll cast that demon out of you!
that's what we ought to do."
but that thing's gotta get loosened up by the spilled blood of risky love
of christians sharing their stuff, their lives
like their minds're on
the things above.
otherwise, when it comes out
it's gonna take half of you with it...
and after it's wandering days, all it's gotta do
is hold that other half
and offer it to you...
and over turns the knob
and out swings the door
and in comes that assassin
and seven nasty more...
