thoughts immortalized

silly thought, immortalizing thoughts... I've been really keeping to the private blog lately. I'm thinking out some pretty heavy stuff, lately, if you didn't notice, so I don't want to put that on the grubbkupp blog because it's so radical that I'm not sure everyone in our community is up for owning my phrasing of it... funny thing. after getting thumbscrewed (ancient torture device attached to the thumbs, applying pressure to the cuticle...) in staff positions for "not being a fit", the question arises of whether I'm a "fit" for our own community... this whole "fit" thing is just plain silly. it's the fact that I'm not a fit at all that makes me any use to helping others grow. I'm not talking about sin being okay. I'm not saying that there's this "my failures and sins make me special" thing... it's a "my special 'ness' that Jesus put in me--being a prophet/teacher poet/bard raver/sage punk/priest-ness is not a fit, and necessitates YOUR growth" thing. If you don't grow, you'll hate me. I require you to grow in love and patience by virtue of failure and faithfulness. Without your hunger for growth in love in christ, you'll see me out of here... aaaw, not really. i know you guys can't help youselves, anyway... but you guys know how many of you have those, "Ah man, I used to just HATE it when Lew came around" stories? Those, "Lew used to totally just drive me crazy!" stories. Have Istopped? don't think so. Don't think I will. I love Jesus, as some have said, too much. Compared ot my love for Him...